Troll Hall of Fame #3: Long John Silver

Troll Hall of Fame #3: Long John Silver

For us "Troll" is a term of endearment.  Our Troll Hall of Fame honors great men and women from history and literature who are uncouth, unshaved and unmannerly, but who are true originals who have stamped their muddy footprints on the world.

Long John Silver is our first inductee from the world of literature.  He made his debut in Robert Louis Stevenson's classic novel TREASURE ISLAND.  The book is the most influential work of pirate literature of all time.  Stevenson  single-handedly invented several elements that have worked their way into pirate lore: treasure maps to buried pirate's treasure, peg legged pirates with parrots, and the song "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum."

Long John is an uncouth, unmannered pirate.  Sure he shows his sensitive side with young Jim Hawkins but he redeems himself after kidnapping him later.  He is also sinister, dastardly and possibly psychotic.  He's the original one-legged pirate bad-ass.  In the book, Silver is hiding out as the ship's cook, waiting to make his move to mutiny so they can use the ship to find Captain Flint's buried treasure hoard.  Wait, they let this guy be the ship's cook in a pre-health code ship's kitchen?  You know this dude never washes his hands.

I guess that's why the ship Hispaniola was known as Trychanosis Boat to the other pirates.  We love Trolls, but you should never let them handle your raw meat.

Incidentally, that's Robert Newton as Long John Silver from the 1954 Disney version of TREASURE ISLAND.  Newton's stirring portrayal is credited with inspiring the classic pirate phrases: "Arrh, mateys" and "shiver me timbers."  Newton would also go on to play Blackbeard in a movie.  These characters are like the Hamlet and King Lear of pirate roles.  

Later in life Long John Silver opened up a chain of deep-fried fish franchises bearing his name.  Occasionally he'll pop into one of his restaurants and take over the Fish Batter Master duties just to remind him of the good old days pirating and carousing on the high seas.  Later, after falling into financial difficulty Long John licensed his name and physical likenesses to a porno actor. 

So for inspiration and tireless work as ambassador promoting the Pirate Lifestyle we induct Long John Silver into the Troll Hall of Fame.  Huzzah!

Troll Hall of Fame #2: Diogenes of Sinope

We're staying in Ancient Greece for our second Troll Hall of Fame inductee, Diogenes of Sinope.

For us "Troll" is a term of endearment.  Our Troll Hall of Fame honors great men and women from history and literature who are uncouth, unshaved and unmannerly, but who are true originals, and who have had a profound affect on society despite playing by their own rules. Sure, they might drink a little... or a lot.  But they have stamped their muddy footprints on the world's culture and history.  

Diogenes of Sinope (412 BC - 323 BC) -- Diogenes is one of the founding fathers of Cynicism. Diogenes was known as "the Dog philosopher" because he likened his philosophy to that of living life like a dog.  Diogenes held up the dog's life as a symbol of simplicity and virtue, a life free from anxiety.  He believed that happiness was not tied to material wealth, and that society put too much emphasis on rigid customs, manners and material possessions.  He proposed that to be truly happy you had to forego humanity's comforts and possessions.  

In practice this meant that Diogenes lived in a tub by the side of the road, wandered around naked in public, bathed irregularly and ate grubby, beggarly scraps of food in the city marketplace.  He also allegedly whacked off in public, peed on people that annoyed him, flipped off gawkers and once took a crap in the theatre.  So he was also one of the world's first drama critics, too.  Diogenes famously wandered the streets of Athens in daylight waving around a lantern, and when questioned why, explained: "I am looking for an honest man."  

The most famous anecdote about Diogenes is that once Alexander The Great, conqueror of Greece, and the most powerful man in the West went looking for Diogenes to honor his philosophical greatness.  Alexander found Diogenes sun-bathing in the road.  He asked the philosopher: "I want to honor your greatness.  Is there anything in the world I can give to you."  "Yeah," grumbled Diogenes, "Get out of my sunlight."  

Critics called Diogenes: "An obnoxious beggar and an offensive grouch."  Yes, exactly.  That's why we love him.  And that's why he's now enshrined in the Troll Hall of Fame.  Huzzah!

Troll Hall of Fame #1: Socrates

Welcome to the Troll Hall of Fame!  

This is the inaugural post honoring great Trolls from history and literature.  

For us "Troll" is a term of endearment.  Our Troll Hall of Fame honors great men and women from history and literature who are a little uncouth, unshaven and unmannerly.  They are true outsiders and original thinkers.  Sure, they may drink a little, or a lot.  And they don't always conform to society's rules of decorum.  But they know how to have a good time.  And they have stamped their muddy footprints on the world's culture and history.

Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC) -- Socrates lived and philosophized in Ancient Athens.  Through his influential teachings of Plato, Socrates has become the Great, Great, Great Grandfather of Modern Philosophy.  Socrates famously said that his wisdom was limited to an awareness of his own ignorance.  He also famously said: "Pass the bacon."  We wholeheartedly endorse both sentiments here at Mystery Club Adventures.

Socrates was a Troll triple-threat.  He was a philosopher/glutton/Bad-ass.  Socrates was an Athenian war hero, fighting in the battles of Potidaea, Delium and Amphipolis.  He was cited for bravery when after the losing battle of Delium, Socrates kept his head and successfully led his retreating Athenian regiment to safety.

Socrates was fond of parties, and several of Plato's dialogues featuring Socrates took place at dinner parties.  Since Socrates apparently never charged for his philosophical services, he was a freeloader, showing up and getting drunk on someone else's dime.  

Socrates' philosophy was to emphasize self-reflection.  He said man's higher ambition was to seek knowledge and virtue, and to achieve goodness.  Socrates was famously put on trial for trying to corrupt the Athenian youths by teaching them free thought and to question authority. 

He also famously suggested that only smart people (philosophers) were suited to lead the government.  

Socrates led a life-long pursuit of truth, justice and free booze.  Socrates is the Patron Saint of Trolls.  Huzzah!